Redneck Humor

Redneck Terms

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas containing oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ARE!"

BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayam.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

CHEER - (adverb) In this place.
Usage: "Just set that bare rat cheer".

DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

FAT - (noun), (verb) - A battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."

HAZE - A contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."

HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?"

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!"

JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck and took it to Lanner."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) Contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

RANCH - (noun)- Tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

SEED -(verb) - Past tense of "to see".
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City".

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

VIEW - Contraction (verb) and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

Redneck Medical Terms

Artery: The study of paintings.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.
Barium: What doctors do when patients die.
Caesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan: Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
D&C: Where Washington is.
Dilate: To live long.
Enema: Not a friend.
Fester: Quicker than someone else.
Fibula: A small lie.
Genital: Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series: World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.
Impotent: Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane.
Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.
Node: I knew it.
Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.
Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative: A letter carrier.
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.
Rectum: Darn near killed him.
Secretion: Hiding something
Seizure: Roman emperor
Tablet: A small table
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport
Tumor: More than one
Urine: Opposite of you're out
Varicose: Nearby

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